Reality Rules

     I find it annoying how whenever I need to make a big decision, there is an echo of reality that vibrates into my head, into my soul, and inside my heart.  This echo then becomes louder and louder beating toward my heart pushing it to agree-to doubt.  You know, growing up, teachers, family , friends, people you look up to, often give advice.  Usually that advice is encouraging and what they feel is best for you.  And often that advice brings a much needed dose of reality.  And then you may get some advice from people who don't seem to have their life together.  As if they want to live their life through you.  They tell you "sure", "just go for it", "follow your heart", "everything will work out".  Sometimes--- I wish my heart would just give in to these vibrations, these echoes of wisdom, but something always prevents me.  Call it fear.  Call it doubt.  Call it insecurities.  Call it Pride.  Call it fear of failure.  I don't know why but somehow reality always rules with me.  It always wins.  It always says check mate.  Seriously?  It gets so frustrating sometimes.
        Who do you know who just up and quits their job because they are unhappy and know without a doubt they will make it big time doing something else?  Doing something they love? I don't really know anyone.  Maybe in the movies, but in the real world, I hear stories of dumb people who up and sell everything they have to become vagabonds and experience life, only to return a year later with no foundation, no money, and no job.   In this economy, should anyone really just quit their job?  It isn't realistic.
           I want to be a writer.  I want to make a difference.  I want to change the world.  I want to make money.  I want to be happy.  I want to travel the world.  I don't want to be in the same rut I'm in.
         "So, fix it!" you say, "Move on", "Things will work out". 
   How?  How will things work out?  I've observed many people take huge risks and lose it all.  Shouldn't learn contentment?  Shouldn't I be grateful for what I have?  And  yet, I am so grateful.  My job has provided for my husband and I to buy our house together, it has provided for a car, it has provided for trips to places my husband and I have always dreamed of going  My job has helped me fufill my dream of traveling.  So why do I want to quit?  What could possibly be so bad?
    I'll tell you.  I'm burned out.  I work so hard doing what I do; my work is never enough.  There is so much pressure in my field.  I'm always on edge.  I bring work home most weekends.  I deal with angry people and sometimes a bunch of idiots.  I drive 2 hours each day to get to work and come home exhausted. I feel like I've lost all of my close friends.  I don't have time for people.  Surprisingly... I have been doing this for the past 6 years.  I'm exhausted.  There must be more to life than this?
    Somedays I wake up and just want to quit my job, sell our house and car, and travel the world.  There is a part of me that just wants to break all the rules of reality and make my own life filled with wonder and adventure.  When I look at my life, all I see is an eternity of responsibilities.  I don't want my life to feel like I'm trapped in an endless rut.  So what prevents me from rebelling?  From breaking these rules?

I. don't. know.