66,000 words, 265 pages!

    I don't think I realized what an accomplishment writing 265 pages is until I hit print. I have a HUGE stack of pages in front of me. Pages I wrote. Pages I breathed to life. Pages that exist because of endless hours writing late at night, writing between weekend events, writing to get my ideas on the page.

    It's easy to get boggled down in critiques and self-editing (which are both important), but it's refreshing to take a moment and realize what's accomplished. Writing is NOT easy. Those who think it is, have never written a fiction novel. I've learned so much these last few months from other writers and classes. Things I didn't realize about fiction: Don't dump back-story, get rid of adverbs and adjectives. Use strong verbs. Get rid of words like "that, just, was, even" etc. slowing pacing down. Writing is a whole new world with much to discover and learn.

    But for now, I want to savor every step of this journey. Appreciate where I've come and where I'm headed. My goal is to reach about 80-85,000 words to complete this novel. I'm almost there! And when that day comes, you bet I'm going to splurge. Heck, I'm going to Disneyland.

     And then, I'll be lost in revisions...lots of them...and then more revisions. It's all a part of this amazing journey--writing.

   

    

Writing Popular Fiction: The Storm

            Right now I'm taking a writing class at UCSD and absolutely love it! My professor, HelenKay Dimon is an experienced and published writer having over 35 successful novels. And as a bonus, we analyze all sorts of crazy characters from Monica on Friends to Clarissa in Silence of the Lambs.  Who wouldn't love a class where you talk about popular t.v. shows, movies, and books? Where was this class in high school? Seriously.

             Currently, I have been glued to the pages of my own manuscript. I'm up to 44,000 words and 170 pages.  But who's counting? My goal is to reach 75,000 words by the end of class in March. So far so good. I currently have an editor who is sifting through my first 50 pages and I'm both excited and nervous to get feedback. Excited to perfect my story, nervous if I have to rip most of it up. But hey, such is the life of a writer and I wouldn't have it any other way.

             For my Popular Fiction class at UCSD, I've been asked to write a scene about a married couple in a car with an approaching snow storm. My characters can come from any backgrounds, have kids or not, be rich or poor, happy or sad, whatever...but I need to give a sense of my characters through the setting of an incoming storm.  Fun!  So, with no further adieu. Here is my story:

***

               Silence. Except for the engine humming and splashes of slush as our tires swerve, he hasn’t said a damn thing.  I watch his fingers clench the wheel, squeezing. His body hunched over, glaring at the white road ahead. He knows.

                I yank a makeup compact from my Prada bag, searching the mirror for those purple-reddish marks, lip stick smears, or any strand of hair out of place. Nothing. Even the pink of my lip stick is perfectly in place. I drop the compact between my legs and sit there, picking at the skin around my fingers.  I hear his short, quick breaths. Turning away, I face the frosted window. Watching as snow trapped hills zoom by and thick chunks of snow hit. How does he know?

                Was I too obvious? Gone too long? Did someone tell him? I glance down at my wedding ring. It’s still there, always haunting me. I hit the button rolling down my window. A blast of cold, wet air slaps my face.  I rip the ring off, ready to fling it into a mound of snow, but his booming voice freezes me.

                “Mind rolling up the window? You’re letting all the warm air out?” 

                That’s all he’s got to say? Seriously.  “Glad to see you care about the important things.” I pull the ring inside, huffing. He rolls up the window.

                “What are you talking about?” He asks still staring at the road.

                “Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t you see me waving my wedding ring out the window?”

                “I’m watching the road Em. This storm’s pickin’ up. Stop playin’ games and buckle up.”

                I don’t believe it. “So, you’re not upset?”

                “I will be if you don’t fasten your seatbelt.” He grins. He doesn’t know.

                “Why the road rage?” I ask.

                “I’m just tryin’ to beat this storm and get us home safe. Are you not watchin’ this weather? By tomorrow, we won’t even be able to leave the house.”

 The belt clicks as I strap myself in and recline deep into the seat, stretching my legs to the dash.  I glance out the window watching snow kissed hills soar by and white confetti fall. He hasn’t got a clue.

Reality Rules

     I find it annoying how whenever I need to make a big decision, there is an echo of reality that vibrates into my head, into my soul, and inside my heart.  This echo then becomes louder and louder beating toward my heart pushing it to agree-to doubt.  You know, growing up, teachers, family , friends, people you look up to, often give advice.  Usually that advice is encouraging and what they feel is best for you.  And often that advice brings a much needed dose of reality.  And then you may get some advice from people who don't seem to have their life together.  As if they want to live their life through you.  They tell you "sure", "just go for it", "follow your heart", "everything will work out".  Sometimes--- I wish my heart would just give in to these vibrations, these echoes of wisdom, but something always prevents me.  Call it fear.  Call it doubt.  Call it insecurities.  Call it Pride.  Call it fear of failure.  I don't know why but somehow reality always rules with me.  It always wins.  It always says check mate.  Seriously?  It gets so frustrating sometimes.
        Who do you know who just up and quits their job because they are unhappy and know without a doubt they will make it big time doing something else?  Doing something they love? I don't really know anyone.  Maybe in the movies, but in the real world, I hear stories of dumb people who up and sell everything they have to become vagabonds and experience life, only to return a year later with no foundation, no money, and no job.   In this economy, should anyone really just quit their job?  It isn't realistic.
           I want to be a writer.  I want to make a difference.  I want to change the world.  I want to make money.  I want to be happy.  I want to travel the world.  I don't want to be in the same rut I'm in.
         "So, fix it!" you say, "Move on", "Things will work out". 
   How?  How will things work out?  I've observed many people take huge risks and lose it all.  Shouldn't learn contentment?  Shouldn't I be grateful for what I have?  And  yet, I am so grateful.  My job has provided for my husband and I to buy our house together, it has provided for a car, it has provided for trips to places my husband and I have always dreamed of going  My job has helped me fufill my dream of traveling.  So why do I want to quit?  What could possibly be so bad?
    I'll tell you.  I'm burned out.  I work so hard doing what I do; my work is never enough.  There is so much pressure in my field.  I'm always on edge.  I bring work home most weekends.  I deal with angry people and sometimes a bunch of idiots.  I drive 2 hours each day to get to work and come home exhausted. I feel like I've lost all of my close friends.  I don't have time for people.  Surprisingly... I have been doing this for the past 6 years.  I'm exhausted.  There must be more to life than this?
    Somedays I wake up and just want to quit my job, sell our house and car, and travel the world.  There is a part of me that just wants to break all the rules of reality and make my own life filled with wonder and adventure.  When I look at my life, all I see is an eternity of responsibilities.  I don't want my life to feel like I'm trapped in an endless rut.  So what prevents me from rebelling?  From breaking these rules?

I. don't. know.

Why Enchanted?

      Do you ever feel boggled down with life?  That you have too much to do and not enough hours in a day?  I often feel this way.  I have a hard time balancing my personal life and my work life except when I am off for the summer or get a few weeks breaks throughout the year.  Otherwise, my weekends are filled with endless amounts of essays to read and score, projects to grade, lesson planning to do, and parents to contact.  It sometimes feels never ending and I often find myself feeling disappointed and frustrated that I missed out on my life.

Why Enchanted?

    The truth is, there is so much more to life than work, commitments, and responsibilities.  Yes, these are all significant in their own right, but they shouldn't drive us or be what makes us happy.   There are so many wonderous excitements in this world.  Take for example, the beautiful pink tulips blossoming in my backyard, my energetic black and white border collie who is now curled up on my couch in a little ball. The red orange sky before the sun goes down over the ocean, and the endless blanket of stars that cover my house in the evenings.  To me, these are reminders that life is enchanting.  Life is magical.  Life should be cherished and enjoyed; it should not be taken for-granted.   Today is 80 degrees outside in Southern California and I am choosing to put the work away and enjoy time with my husband and dog Lucy Bear.  The ocean enchants me.  Life is enchanting.  I just need to close my mind and open my heart to let it.